ManDay Monday–Chivalry

chiv·al·ry (shĭv’əl-rē)
The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.

I’m not really sure how my ManDay Advisor will feel about this post. He suggested GI Joe or HeMan for this week’s topic. But something happened recently that brought the topic of chivalry to mind. So, I’m going to run with it. And save action figures and heroes for another post.

Let me preface this by saying, I don’t fall neatly into most categories. I’m a single, independent woman. I do a lot of stuff for myself. But primarily because I often just do what needs to be done. I am far from a feminist. I actually believe men and women were created differently and some, not all, gender roles come from that. I’ve read the books about women desiring to be treated like a princess. And I’m not quite sure that I’m on that exact same page. But I will fully admit that I desire to be taken care of.

Just a little preface.

Anyway, back to the story. This past weekend, I went on a trip to visit some friends in Portland. I flew Southwest, so after I knocked some people out of the way to get a window seat, I got all settled in. It was a full flight, so soon I was joined by a guy a few years younger than me. I never got his name, so we’ll call him John, for the sake of story-telling. John and I talked for the majority of the flight–he shared with me about his construction job in Denver, and I told him about some of the things I do at Compassion.

John was friendly and personable. I’m usually pretty hit and miss with conversations on planes, and this was definitely one of the more pleasant ones. He told me fun things to do in Oregon, and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. When we landed, he got down my bag and handed it to me.

But the story doesn’t end there. Because John and I ended up on the same flight back. He sat next to me again, and we chatted a bit more. When it was obvious that we were both ready to nap, he asked the airline attendant for a blanket, which he handed to me. When we hit turbulence, he asked if I was okay. And when we landed, he got my bag and carried it off the plane. And then carried it down an escalator so we wouldn’t miss the train.

And then…he was gone. He headed off to baggage claim, and I went to catch a shuttle. No good-bye. No names. But I will never forget the five hours we spent sitting together on a cramped plane.

I know fully that some women would have not been as flattered by John’s actions. Some would have felt he was doing things for them they could have done for themselves. That he was being presumptuous. But I never once felt that way. To me, it felt really nice. It felt especially nice because he doesn’t even know me. I have guy friends who will carry a bag for me when I come to their house. But this was different.

I wonder if John’s mother influenced the actions I saw. Or maybe his sisters. Or maybe it’s just his personality. Maybe chivalry is ingrained in him.

Whatever the case, I was blessed by it. I would encourage my guy friends to consider taking chivalry to another level. You may encounter situations where chivalry is dead. But I can tell you that for some, chivalry, or at the very least kindess, is very much alive.

I’d love to hear the thoughts of both my male and female readers on this topic!

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “ManDay Monday–Chivalry

  1. Amber says:

    Oohhh! That’s so sweet! John, come back! Where are you John? Brandy, that’s crazy you sat by him twice. Kismet. Maybe he’ll find a book with your name in it and he’ll realize you were meant to be together and…Oh wait, that’s Serendipity.

    I agree that chivalry is great. Unless someone has an obvious condescending attitude toward you (like, you’re a woman, so how could you possiblly know how to multiply…), then it’s very endearing and makes you feel valuable. I think we all, male AND female, should do more little things to make others feel valuable.

  2. Jill says:

    As another independent single girl, I wholeheartedly agree that I appreciate chivalry…though in my family, this sort of thing was just considered good manners. I find it discouraging that men are reluctant to open doors or offer to help me fix things because other women have gotten offended by similar offers. That drives me crazy! They’re men! They won’t think we’re helpless if we let them open the door! Let them be men! Or at least be polite when you say “no thanks.”

    Love your new theme blogs, by the way. 🙂

  3. Amber says:

    OK, so since he didn’t get your name, you’ll be flying somwhere two years from now…maybe Venice. He’ll have gone through a messy divorce. (This is necessary to make your autobiography juicy.) Sitting nervously on the plane, you feel someone’s arm touch yours on the arm rest. You look over…It’s him. He looks slowly over…You spend two weeks together in Venice…

    I’m not helping, am I? Also not very manly for Man-Day…So:

    Then Skeletor will burst into the plane trying to take it over for Snake Mountain. When John jumps up, rips open his shirt, and reveals he is HeMan! He calls out, “By the power of Greyskull, I have the power!!!!”

  4. Krissy says:

    i think Amber is smoking crack, but i’m somewhat hoping that some part of her fiction piece comes true. so, i agree with you about men being chivalrous and kind, but i do hate the condescending part. i don’t like when an man says, “oh, let me do that for you…or don’t try to pick that up.” are you kidding me?!
    so, my flying partner, who was sitting next to his wife of 25 years kept touching me…isn’t that a little strange when a perfect stranger is touchy? then when the plane started its descent, he got out a piece of gum for himself and handed me one without even asking and i thought it was funny and strange. we became almost too familiar in a 2.5 hour time span.

  5. mandy says:

    That is a wonderful story, Brandy. And par for the course in our lives. (Sometimes I think we ARE the same person.) And Amber’s story! That is some of the best fiction writing I’ve come across in a long time. Including when we were judging the ec fiction writing contest. If you can work Skeletor into a story, you are a writer!
    I am with you on chivalry. I can do things for myself. I can lift heavy things, because as my brother says, “I am a hoss.” I can most of the time take care of myself and don’t like being treated like the little lady. But I do like being treated as if I’m cherished. When someone is going out of his way to make sure I am comfortable, safe, and you know, not cracking people on the head with my overstuffed carry-on as all 5 foot 3 inches of me tries to pull it out of the overhead bin.

  6. Mark says:

    Ok well as your man day advisory…I apologize for not commenting on the day of. I like your comment but am unsure of how chivalry effects a women. To be honest I enjoy opening doors and what for women. Because I would imagine that it would make them feel like it made you feel.

    Ok so now I want to comment on a statement Jill made. Because I was raised the same way, that it is not so much chivalry but good manners. I am also very discouraged by the lack of manners I see in people these days. I think it effects every aspect of peoples lives…how the interact and treat others. I don’t know what happened in society that made people quit teaching their children manners….but whatever it is, I hope it changes.

  7. Ron Davis says:

    I think it’s good manners. I hold the door open for women sometimes, but if they’re all snooty about it, I’ve been known to smile and say “you’re welcome” very sarcastically. That’s not really good manners though.

  8. Sir Charles says:

    I believe it’s all on how you was raise as a child. To that point you have to be willing to listen to your parents or elders. I would say my brother and I was raise with the same vaules, moral etc. but that doesn’t mean we would do the same things. So, taking some away from how you were raised. I’ll leave it at this raise kids with the values you think things should be done, but remember their own personality will be the way they use the values they were raise with. John was raise good and ended up with a great personality to boot.

  9. Terri says:

    I have two things to say. One, if you had have been just a wee bit more of a feminist (which simply means, in my opinion, belief in equality FOR the sexes [not OF the sexes]), you might have (horrors) told him your name or asked for his. Sometimes men are shy too, you know. And scared to offer up their information.

    Two, All this talk about manners makes me think of the hilarious book I’m reading, Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bold the Door by Lynne Truss (the same woman who wrote Eats, Shoots, and Leaves). http://www.amazon.com/Talk-Hand-Bloody-Rudeness-Reasons/dp/1592401716/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1235503978&sr=8-1

    Good luck. If you want it. Construction workers might be handy.

  10. scott says:

    i’m surprised he didn’t get your number or email address. like Terri said, don’t be afraid to be the aggressor in that case, cause what’s the worst that would happen? he’ll never see you again! 🙂 i agree with Mark that it’s good manners to do that kind of stuff. i don’t really think twice about those things. i haven’t really sat next to a cool person on a plane in years though. one time a lady stole my orange juice on a flight to LA.

    also, i thought amber’s story was awesome.

  11. PattyT says:

    But is there really anything wrong with a chivilrous interaction that doesn’t end in romance? If Brandy were married and John were acting exactly the same, would it have been inappropriate?
    Of course, I want Brandy to end up with such a great guy, but I just mean that sometimes I’ve had the chance to be around guys (married, single, whatever) who just behaved well, and it has been so pleasant! And then if it turns into an exchanging info but things don’t work out, sometimes that ruins the feel a bit. So sometimes it’s nice when it’s a married or engaged guy who is just LIKE that with everyone..

    Kinda like When Harry Met Sally. Maybe we need those chance encounters with no names in order to have hope for humanity in general, not just the one wonderful guy… or the nameless times to show us a guy isn’t only being nice to win us over, but simply because he *is* nice.

  12. Becky McCracken says:

    As a single, (and by single i mean, a woman in a very meaningful relationship with a man, yet still no ring on her finger) independent, A-type, woman (no scratch that, doctor/business woman) who currently runs 2 successful outpatient physical therapy clinics. I too believed for a long time that chivilary, especially in our “MAN’s WORLD of business, did not exist. Many a horrible dates/relationships i spent being dismayed and dissappointed by the ridiculous requests, expectations, and actions of men. However, I, like yourself Brandy,have discovered, that chivilary indeed still does exist. I am currently dating a very compassionate, respectful, chivilrous young man. A man who not only buys me flowers, cuts my lawn, opens doors, carries bags, and pulls out chairs, but also a man who loves me unconditionally and sees me (good and bad) for the female completion of his male existance. These ideals were ingrained in him, from not only his religious upbringing, but also his loving, caring relationships with the women in his family. He learned to respect women from the women he respected in his home. It is pure example of the good family unit, (no matter what the definition family) and the effect it has for the people we become.
    As cliche as it sounds, “everything happens for a reason”. You, brandy, ran into John to restore your faith in chivilary, men, and maybe relationships in general. I can only hope that you find “John”, or his equal, “at the right place” and “right time”. But next time, get his number! 🙂

  13. Becky McCracken says:

    To whom it may concern,
    I hope that last comment didn’t come off arrogant and rude……..I am afraid it did. I just wanted to convey, that women, independent, successul, feminst, or otherwise, deserve the chivilary that is less than frequently shown to them. AND, that there is still hope, amoungst the dirty, rotten, scoundrels, we call me these days, for a good prince charming moment once in awhile. I hope, no pray, that Brandy, you find your John again…….when you are ready and willing to have him and he is ready and willing to treat you with the respect you deserve!!!!!

  14. John says:

    Men have always been known for their chivalry. If they are treated well by women, they get treated better in return. If women want to be taken good care of by their men, they need to respect and treat their men with dignity.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

ManDay Monday–Chivalry

chiv·al·ry (shĭv’əl-rē)
The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.

I’m not really sure how my ManDay Advisor will feel about this post. He suggested GI Joe or HeMan for this week’s topic. But something happened recently that brought the topic of chivalry to mind. So, I’m going to run with it. And save action figures and heroes for another post.

Let me preface this by saying, I don’t fall neatly into most categories. I’m a single, independent woman. I do a lot of stuff for myself. But primarily because I often just do what needs to be done. I am far from a feminist. I actually believe men and women were created differently and some, not all, gender roles come from that. I’ve read the books about women desiring to be treated like a princess. And I’m not quite sure that I’m on that exact same page. But I will fully admit that I desire to be taken care of.

Just a little preface.

Anyway, back to the story. This past weekend, I went on a trip to visit some friends in Portland. I flew Southwest, so after I knocked some people out of the way to get a window seat, I got all settled in. It was a full flight, so soon I was joined by a guy a few years younger than me. I never got his name, so we’ll call him John, for the sake of story-telling. John and I talked for the majority of the flight–he shared with me about his construction job in Denver, and I told him about some of the things I do at Compassion.

John was friendly and personable. I’m usually pretty hit and miss with conversations on planes, and this was definitely one of the more pleasant ones. He told me fun things to do in Oregon, and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. When we landed, he got down my bag and handed it to me.

But the story doesn’t end there. Because John and I ended up on the same flight back. He sat next to me again, and we chatted a bit more. When it was obvious that we were both ready to nap, he asked the airline attendant for a blanket, which he handed to me. When we hit turbulence, he asked if I was okay. And when we landed, he got my bag and carried it off the plane. And then carried it down an escalator so we wouldn’t miss the train.

And then…he was gone. He headed off to baggage claim, and I went to catch a shuttle. No good-bye. No names. But I will never forget the five hours we spent sitting together on a cramped plane.

I know fully that some women would have not been as flattered by John’s actions. Some would have felt he was doing things for them they could have done for themselves. That he was being presumptuous. But I never once felt that way. To me, it felt really nice. It felt especially nice because he doesn’t even know me. I have guy friends who will carry a bag for me when I come to their house. But this was different.

I wonder if John’s mother influenced the actions I saw. Or maybe his sisters. Or maybe it’s just his personality. Maybe chivalry is ingrained in him.

Whatever the case, I was blessed by it. I would encourage my guy friends to consider taking chivalry to another level. You may encounter situations where chivalry is dead. But I can tell you that for some, chivalry, or at the very least kindess, is very much alive.

I’d love to hear the thoughts of both my male and female readers on this topic!

18 thoughts on “ManDay Monday–Chivalry

  1. Amber says:

    Oohhh! That’s so sweet! John, come back! Where are you John? Brandy, that’s crazy you sat by him twice. Kismet. Maybe he’ll find a book with your name in it and he’ll realize you were meant to be together and…Oh wait, that’s Serendipity.

    I agree that chivalry is great. Unless someone has an obvious condescending attitude toward you (like, you’re a woman, so how could you possiblly know how to multiply…), then it’s very endearing and makes you feel valuable. I think we all, male AND female, should do more little things to make others feel valuable.

  2. Jill says:

    As another independent single girl, I wholeheartedly agree that I appreciate chivalry…though in my family, this sort of thing was just considered good manners. I find it discouraging that men are reluctant to open doors or offer to help me fix things because other women have gotten offended by similar offers. That drives me crazy! They’re men! They won’t think we’re helpless if we let them open the door! Let them be men! Or at least be polite when you say “no thanks.”

    Love your new theme blogs, by the way. 🙂

  3. Amber says:

    OK, so since he didn’t get your name, you’ll be flying somwhere two years from now…maybe Venice. He’ll have gone through a messy divorce. (This is necessary to make your autobiography juicy.) Sitting nervously on the plane, you feel someone’s arm touch yours on the arm rest. You look over…It’s him. He looks slowly over…You spend two weeks together in Venice…

    I’m not helping, am I? Also not very manly for Man-Day…So:

    Then Skeletor will burst into the plane trying to take it over for Snake Mountain. When John jumps up, rips open his shirt, and reveals he is HeMan! He calls out, “By the power of Greyskull, I have the power!!!!”

  4. Krissy says:

    i think Amber is smoking crack, but i’m somewhat hoping that some part of her fiction piece comes true. so, i agree with you about men being chivalrous and kind, but i do hate the condescending part. i don’t like when an man says, “oh, let me do that for you…or don’t try to pick that up.” are you kidding me?!
    so, my flying partner, who was sitting next to his wife of 25 years kept touching me…isn’t that a little strange when a perfect stranger is touchy? then when the plane started its descent, he got out a piece of gum for himself and handed me one without even asking and i thought it was funny and strange. we became almost too familiar in a 2.5 hour time span.

  5. mandy says:

    That is a wonderful story, Brandy. And par for the course in our lives. (Sometimes I think we ARE the same person.) And Amber’s story! That is some of the best fiction writing I’ve come across in a long time. Including when we were judging the ec fiction writing contest. If you can work Skeletor into a story, you are a writer!
    I am with you on chivalry. I can do things for myself. I can lift heavy things, because as my brother says, “I am a hoss.” I can most of the time take care of myself and don’t like being treated like the little lady. But I do like being treated as if I’m cherished. When someone is going out of his way to make sure I am comfortable, safe, and you know, not cracking people on the head with my overstuffed carry-on as all 5 foot 3 inches of me tries to pull it out of the overhead bin.

  6. Mark says:

    Ok well as your man day advisory…I apologize for not commenting on the day of. I like your comment but am unsure of how chivalry effects a women. To be honest I enjoy opening doors and what for women. Because I would imagine that it would make them feel like it made you feel.

    Ok so now I want to comment on a statement Jill made. Because I was raised the same way, that it is not so much chivalry but good manners. I am also very discouraged by the lack of manners I see in people these days. I think it effects every aspect of peoples lives…how the interact and treat others. I don’t know what happened in society that made people quit teaching their children manners….but whatever it is, I hope it changes.

  7. Ron Davis says:

    I think it’s good manners. I hold the door open for women sometimes, but if they’re all snooty about it, I’ve been known to smile and say “you’re welcome” very sarcastically. That’s not really good manners though.

  8. Sir Charles says:

    I believe it’s all on how you was raise as a child. To that point you have to be willing to listen to your parents or elders. I would say my brother and I was raise with the same vaules, moral etc. but that doesn’t mean we would do the same things. So, taking some away from how you were raised. I’ll leave it at this raise kids with the values you think things should be done, but remember their own personality will be the way they use the values they were raise with. John was raise good and ended up with a great personality to boot.

  9. Terri says:

    I have two things to say. One, if you had have been just a wee bit more of a feminist (which simply means, in my opinion, belief in equality FOR the sexes [not OF the sexes]), you might have (horrors) told him your name or asked for his. Sometimes men are shy too, you know. And scared to offer up their information.

    Two, All this talk about manners makes me think of the hilarious book I’m reading, Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bold the Door by Lynne Truss (the same woman who wrote Eats, Shoots, and Leaves). http://www.amazon.com/Talk-Hand-Bloody-Rudeness-Reasons/dp/1592401716/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1235503978&sr=8-1

    Good luck. If you want it. Construction workers might be handy.

  10. scott says:

    i’m surprised he didn’t get your number or email address. like Terri said, don’t be afraid to be the aggressor in that case, cause what’s the worst that would happen? he’ll never see you again! 🙂 i agree with Mark that it’s good manners to do that kind of stuff. i don’t really think twice about those things. i haven’t really sat next to a cool person on a plane in years though. one time a lady stole my orange juice on a flight to LA.

    also, i thought amber’s story was awesome.

  11. PattyT says:

    But is there really anything wrong with a chivilrous interaction that doesn’t end in romance? If Brandy were married and John were acting exactly the same, would it have been inappropriate?
    Of course, I want Brandy to end up with such a great guy, but I just mean that sometimes I’ve had the chance to be around guys (married, single, whatever) who just behaved well, and it has been so pleasant! And then if it turns into an exchanging info but things don’t work out, sometimes that ruins the feel a bit. So sometimes it’s nice when it’s a married or engaged guy who is just LIKE that with everyone..

    Kinda like When Harry Met Sally. Maybe we need those chance encounters with no names in order to have hope for humanity in general, not just the one wonderful guy… or the nameless times to show us a guy isn’t only being nice to win us over, but simply because he *is* nice.

  12. Becky McCracken says:

    As a single, (and by single i mean, a woman in a very meaningful relationship with a man, yet still no ring on her finger) independent, A-type, woman (no scratch that, doctor/business woman) who currently runs 2 successful outpatient physical therapy clinics. I too believed for a long time that chivilary, especially in our “MAN’s WORLD of business, did not exist. Many a horrible dates/relationships i spent being dismayed and dissappointed by the ridiculous requests, expectations, and actions of men. However, I, like yourself Brandy,have discovered, that chivilary indeed still does exist. I am currently dating a very compassionate, respectful, chivilrous young man. A man who not only buys me flowers, cuts my lawn, opens doors, carries bags, and pulls out chairs, but also a man who loves me unconditionally and sees me (good and bad) for the female completion of his male existance. These ideals were ingrained in him, from not only his religious upbringing, but also his loving, caring relationships with the women in his family. He learned to respect women from the women he respected in his home. It is pure example of the good family unit, (no matter what the definition family) and the effect it has for the people we become.
    As cliche as it sounds, “everything happens for a reason”. You, brandy, ran into John to restore your faith in chivilary, men, and maybe relationships in general. I can only hope that you find “John”, or his equal, “at the right place” and “right time”. But next time, get his number! 🙂

  13. Becky McCracken says:

    To whom it may concern,
    I hope that last comment didn’t come off arrogant and rude……..I am afraid it did. I just wanted to convey, that women, independent, successul, feminst, or otherwise, deserve the chivilary that is less than frequently shown to them. AND, that there is still hope, amoungst the dirty, rotten, scoundrels, we call me these days, for a good prince charming moment once in awhile. I hope, no pray, that Brandy, you find your John again…….when you are ready and willing to have him and he is ready and willing to treat you with the respect you deserve!!!!!

  14. John says:

    Men have always been known for their chivalry. If they are treated well by women, they get treated better in return. If women want to be taken good care of by their men, they need to respect and treat their men with dignity.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s