My Story-Part 3

Part 1
Part 2

When I look in the mirror every morning, that voice of my youth still whispers about my flaws.

I wrote those words in an essay, and in the margin, my writing mentor scribbled the words “Really? Every morning?”

Yes. Every morning.

That writing mentor was one of several whom I worked with as I was completing my MFA work in Creative Nonfiction. For my thesis, I was writing a memoir. It was at times painful, but with each word I wrote about my childhood, I felt like poison was being leeched from my veins.

Because, even though I had gone to counseling for years, I still viewed myself harshly. I tended to refer to myself by my last name when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, like a gym teacher barking as I slogged by on the track.

“Your life wasn’t that bad, Campbell.”

“If you just had some discipline, Campbell, you wouldn’t be such a mess.”

“God, Campbell, just suck it up already.”

But writing my memoir, digging deep into those memories, I slowly, slowly, began to soften my view.

I saw a little girl hiding in the bathroom, eating cookies, feeling like she messed everything up.

A teenager who looked at the hipbones of her friends and felt like something was horribly broken with her own body.

A young adult who prepared elaborate meals for her friends–and ate McDonald’s cheeseburgers standing over the sink when she was alone.

And then, I began this journey. The very one I hope to chronicle on this blog. One of hope and healing and falling down and getting up again.

I hope my words will inspire you to take care of yourself. Not lose weight, not boil your life down to pants sizes and numbers on a scale (though, for sure, that is a fraction of the journey).

I want you to cook delicious food for yourself.

And go on walks in the sunset where your skin turns golden and then pink.

I want you to push yourself harder than you thought you could.

And accomplish more than you ever knew was possible.

I want you to think “If she can do it, I can do it.”

Because you can.

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2 thoughts on “My Story-Part 3

  1. Paige says:

    Thank you for sharing! I always want to blog about related issues, but have difficulty putting feelings into words. I’ll be sharing your site with the fitness accountability groups I run. Your posts and story have a wonderful message about taking care of yourself in a healing, loving, and forgiving way.

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