It was 2008 when I first invited you into my home. I was an innocent, naive 28-year-old who was dabbling in getting healthy. I think it was for the sole purpose of fitting in a bridesmaid dress. So, you know, really lofty goals there.
I purchased the 30 Day Shred DVD and hid in the basement from my roommates to do the first workout. And that was the night I learned you are a sadist. In the first 5 minutes I had to take a break and drink some water. Then you said the words that made me want to throw something across the room.
“Okay, now that our warm-up is done…’
Warm up? That was just the warm up?
Shut your mouth, Jillian Michaels. Shut it right now.
I remember that two days after that work-out I found myself crying in the shower because I couldn’t lift my arms to wash my hair. I had to crawl up the stairs on all fours like some deranged labrador.
Needless to say I didn’t make it for 30 days. And the only thing shredded was the cheese I put on the plate of nachos I ate in defeat.
You may wonder, Jillian, why I invited you back a year ago. Why did I decide to grunt and sweat through your kettle bell workout, at one point taking a chunk out of my wall with a wildly swung weight. And what possessed me to do your yoga workout, cursing as I did a tree pose that was more like a sapling in the middle of a hurricane?
But then, one day, I finished a workout. Without stopping. It wasn’t always pretty, but I did it. I would have pumped my fist in the air in triumph but I was too busy lying on the floor trying not to die.
You see, Jillian, I decided you weren’t the enemy I had once believed you were. Yes, I still think you’re a sadist. And I’m pretty sure if you and I ever shared a meal together you would eat kale and I would eat…not kale. But I give you props, Jillian, for challenging someone like me to move and change and grow. To stop making excuses and start making changes.
However. I do not agree with your sentiment that “pain is weakness leaving the body.” It is actually agony entering the body. But that’s what ibuprofen is for.