If you ever read previous iterations of my blog, you know how much I love writing passive aggressive notes to anonymous people. And that’s certainly not about to stop. So here you have it, the first bit of Healthy and Whole snark. You’re welcome.
Dear Redneck in the Pick-Up Truck,
I’m sorry. I fear you may have mistaken me for someone that you know? Because for the life of me, I don’t know why you found it necessary to honk your horn as you drove by me. I mean, surely it was a friendly honk of hello because you thought I was someone else? And when you shouted out of the window, “Hey, baby”…how old is your friend that her nickname is still Baby? Perhaps she is a fan of Dirty Dancing? Please know that my look of surprise and disgust were simply because this line of thinking reminded me how sad I still am about Patrick Swayze.
Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner
Thank you for being on my running route. Thank you for selling delicious cupcakes to me. Thank you for sometimes being the only reason I run. And thank you for not openly judging me for jogging out of your store while shoving said cupcake in my mouth.
I Eat Therefore I Run
Dear Dr. Scholl,
I know you are the poor man’s inserts. I know I’m supposed to go to some fancy running store and buy fancy pants shoe inserts. But between you and me, doc, I think you’re just fine. You keep my pronating feet from going all pigeon-toed, and I can still afford cupcakes. Win, win.
Your Flat-Footed Friend
Thank you for making up a good half of my running playlist. Thank you for singing songs that make me feel strong and empowered. Also, thank you for having real thighs. I bet you eat cupcakes, don’t you?
A Single Lady