Trapped Inside

There’s a post-it note stuck on my mirror. I see it every morning when I stumble into the bathroom, my face crisscrossed with sleep lines, my cowlick asserting itself.

I see that purple note when I lean in close to the mirror to put on my make-up, hiding and highlighting.

And I see it again at night as I scrub that same make-up off, staining my washcloth, soaking the neck of my pajamas.

The note has been on my mirror since December 31. A friend who was checking in at my house while I was traveling for Christmas put it there. And every day, over and over, I’ve had to fight myself not to take it down

Not to crumple it and throw it in the trash.

Because most of the time, the note makes me uncomfortable.

Its words make me squirm and look away.

The note reads “You’re such a gorgeous lady.”

I don’t feel gorgeous most days. Because I have a secret.

Losing weight doesn’t make all of your insecurities go away.

In fact, you might even pick up some new ones.

I used to look in that very same mirror every day and feel sad that I wasn’t taking care of myself. Sad that I wasn’t healthy or strong. Sad that the person I could be was not the person I was.

Now, I look in the mirror and see a stronger, healthier body. But there are still so many layers of doubts and fears. My feelings don’t always align with my reality.

Actually, my feelings rarely align with my reality.

After more than 30 years of believing I am not worthy, I know it will take my spirit a little while to catch up with my physical transformation.

So, I’ve left that sticky note on my mirror. Because I need to listen to the words of those who love me, instead of the lies I’ve so long believed.

I hope there is someone in your life who leaves you a proverbial sticky note on your bathroom mirror.

What message do you need to hear today?

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6 thoughts on “Trapped Inside

  1. Geneva says:

    You are a gorgeous person,inside and out..never ever second guess that.. Hurts me that you ever thought that.. Love you with all my heart.

    Mom

  2. Gina says:

    i love you’re writing because you express the journey you’re on so well. Your mom and friend are right, you are beautiful, but you were beautiful before you lost the weight. You aren’t what you weigh and this blog expresses that. Love it! Your value to God and others is so much more. I love how you’re focusing on a healthy and strong body. THAT inspires me. But your journey towards who and whose you are is infinitely more important. You are a beautiful daughter of the King of Kings and He loves you very much…no matter what the mirror or scale shows. Your value comes from that. I wear a crown charm necklace to remind me of that. If I could write you a sticky note, I’d draw you a crown with a heart in the middle of it. Thank you for sharing part of you with us.

  3. Diane says:

    One day you will feel like you can write that note to yourself! When you see your own wonderful essence you will love yourself- no notes needed.

  4. Betty says:

    I have always loved you and cherish you. I have many times wished I could take all the hurt and insecurities from you and put them on me instead. I would gladly walk through fire for you, Brandy. Know you are loved so very much! You inspire me!

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